I can keep faking it to everyone including you, but I can't fake it to myself... I still love you. And I can’t date anyone because I know I’m not over you. I could spend the rest of my life judging you for what you did, but I don't want to anymore. I don't want to because I'm tired of feeling angry. I dealt with that for too long for so many years and I just want to let it all go.

I do feel happy. Truly I do. It's taken me time to get to that point, but it's there. But now I wish I could do things over again, having learned so much and experienced so many new things. All the things you wanted me to do with you. Why couldn't I have just been that man before? If I could start all over - from the beginning and stop my mistakes - I don't think I would pass up that chance.

But time travel unfortunately doesn't exist. And in the end, would I even learn anything? No, instead of thinking about the past, I need to think of the future. I know even if we could try again things wouldn't be the same. We would have to make it better than ever. I want to believe that so badly. I tell myself I deserve better, but I can’t shut off my feelings. I accepted that truth a long time ago. I understand the difference between want and need now. And I know I don't need you back, I just want you back. I would give anything just to feel you in my arms again. I would be happy just to say hi to you. I entertain thoughts that maybe someday you'll want to try again. Maybe someday after we’ve grown wiser we’ll both want to try again. But that's just my fantasy, and I'm sure you don't feel the same.

I really feel you'll forever be the one who got away. But I will keep my distance, just because I know if I really love you, then I have to learn to let you go. Someday I'll get there... someday.

My best friend... I miss you. And I still love you.